JstJenni

Reflections on Space and Reciprocity

A lot has been on my mind lately — especially around how I perceive people and their motives. I’m starting to see that being there for others doesn’t always mean they’ll show up for me in the same way. Not everyone has the capacity, the want, or the heart-space to reciprocate.

I’m coming to terms with how often I feel unseen or unheard — even by those I once believed understood me best. Sometimes it feels like I have to create a shock, to become louder or more dramatic, just to be noticed. And that in itself feels exhausting.

So, I’ve pulled back. I’ve created distance — partly to breathe, partly to observe, and maybe even to test what’s real. I’ve watched friends ache for connection so deeply that they fall into illusions of companionship, knowing deep down they might get hurt but doing it anyway. I’ve seen others withdraw, not from others but from themselves, afraid that being fully authentic might make the people who truly care turn away.

The irony is that those who care can already see the hidden parts — they’re just waiting for the other person to bring them forward. It’s all so paradoxical. In our search to be understood, we often isolate ourselves from the very understanding we crave.

I’m not even sure there’s a point to these thoughts, except maybe this: Don’t waste your energy on people who make you question your worth, or if you have a place in their life If you have to ask those questions to begin with, you already have your answer. Don't make a fool of yourself by pretending you don't know the answer or that ut will change. The ones who want you in their life will make time for you. The ones who truly care will see you, hear you, and still accept you — flaws and all.

And when all the noise fades, every thought still circles back to the same quiet place — lonely, dark, and heavy.

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