Acceptance

I was recently having a conversation with someone and somehow the little bit of wisdom I do have popped through and I told them:

"We hang onto all these little slivers of something, even if we know it's not going to happen the way we want, just to hold onto the hope that it may. Knowing and accepting are not the same thing."

Somehow I knew what I needed to know yet I don't know how to apply it to myself... and I didn't face the reality of it until today.

I suppose part of me is sorry that it took me so long to learn that knowing and accepting are not the same. Yet... maybe I shouldn't be.

I wouldn't give up the love I felt for one second, the things I learned for ease or comfort, and I wouldn't trade a minute of it for any other minute.

I am one of a kind, not a single person could replace me in any way, shape or form. In fact, I hear I come from a cloth they no longer make.

So maybe... just maybe... it's a blessing that it took me so long to learn, so long to face the truth of it, so long to accept what would never be.

One could only be oh so lucky to have actually known me, and even luckier for me to show love, affection, and loyalty.

While I couldn't accept the reality of my situation... I, however, was accepting of people. People who hide themselves from others. People who don't share all of themselves. People who lean on another to make them feel whole... even though they are plenty all by themselves. People who shame themselves and feel as if they have to live somewhat multiple lifestyles.

I've loved people who don't love themselves, people who don't love me.

I've cared for people who haven't cared for me.

Maybe the blessing isn't in how quickly we accept things, but in what we learn while we're taking our time getting there. The journey between knowing and accepting—that's where I found myself.